Christmas with the Stewarts

Christmas Eve

She wouldn't show us the
band-aid without opening her mouth.

Big Sarah came over to visit on Christmas Eve. We intended to share gifts, frost cookies for Santa, eat pizza, and watch the Empire Strikes Back.  It'd been a few days since A & X had seen Big Sarah, so there was mandatory running around and playing. In the midst of the shenanigans, Ainsley fell and busted her lip. The only thing that would soothe the whining beast was a Princess band-aid and free reign of the camera.

Ainsley has recently discovered the joys of taking pictures. I'll probably toss together a blog post about it in the future. You can behold her handiwork here though. I love this picture she took of Xander.

This is the face Xander makes
at Ainsley.

We had so much fun, we barely had time to get the presents from Big Sarah and the Christmas Eve presents opened. Big Sarah got Xander a bunch of fun animal stuff and Weebles. Ainsley got Princess Princess Princess stuff, of course.

Once we got the cookies decorated, Ainsley picked one of each cookie to put out for Santa. At the time of setting out the cookies and milk, A was into a hardcore game of puppy.

Puppies panting over
Santa's cookies and milk.

Once the children got all nestled snug in their beds, we got to work finishing up Christmas fixings...and I put together the overnight French toast casserole. The tree and presents were so lovely I snapped a few pics.

Christmas Day

Ainsley and the Princess Collective

The Chrismas melee began later than I expected; apparently shenanigans with Big Sarah tuckered them out. A and X slept in until almost 9:00--well, A slept in, X quietly played in his crib. Ainsley was really excited about presents; Xander was indifferent. Santa presents were first. 

I got her to look at me by
saying, "Is Santa on my head?"

Since the ToysRUs Big Book came out, Ainsley has been asking anyone who will listen for the princesses and their castle. Santa found an awesome sale on the Princess Collective on Target's Black Friday sale (what? Santa can outsource!). Grandma Fitzgerald and Pawpaw provided the castle. As she was opening Santa's present, Ainsley was insanely cute. "OOH! Oh my gosh! I've always been wanting this!" We mete out freeing the princesses all day today. She got Ariel straight away (walking mermaid is her favorite). Then she would get princesses for good behavior, skyping with family and cleaning up her room to make space for the castle. 

Xander and the Busy Box

The Princess Collective has already had many adventures--most of them naked. They're hanging out in Noah's ark naked. They lay around naked. The Princess Collective is kinda slutty. It's currently sleeping in a bed next to Ainsley's crib. I had her tuck them in...and she had to hug and kiss each of them goodnight. It was adorable.

Xander was cagier and didn't tell Santa what he wanted. Luckily, Santa knows that Xander loves puzzles and brought him a busy box. He found the busy box pretty exciting once we got it opened. But really, he was more interested in the DVD of How to Train Your Dragon that Grandma McGhee got him. He's been big into dragons lately.

How to Train Your Dragon
is engaging.

His favorite thing, however, ended up being the light saber candy toy that came in Sean's stocking. He loved it. So, Momma's gonna hit Meijer's after Christmas sale to see if they have any left over. Doubtful, but I'll check. Of course, the moment that X showed interest in it, A had to confiscate it. Notice the look of despair on his face when she took it...and the joy of getting it back.

After presents, we ate the casserole...and it was DELICIOUS. We then did some Skyping with family and then came naps. I cooked a ham for dinner and we ate. But mostly, the kids just played with their toys, and Sean and I rested; I'm still in my pajamas (mission accomplished, Sarah!). It was difficult to make the decision to not travel on Christmas anymore. We do enjoy being with the family on the holidays, but after the wonderful Christmas we had, I know we made the right decision.

My view of Christmas morning...lovely.

Putting up the Christmas Tree

This year while Xander took his nap, Ainsley helped me put up the Christmas tree. She was moderately excited to get going. As Sean brought in the Christmas bins, she was indifferent.

"Licking" the lights. Weirdo.

As I put the tree and lights up and Sean shopped Black Friday, she was moderately more interested, but still pretty indifferent. She'd take moments to help me by getting branches out of the bin...or pretending to eat the lights.

FROSTY BREAK!

Break Time!

Sean made a lunch run and returned with Frostys for Momma and child. We had a yummy time eating our treats and taking the break. However, after the Frosty break, once the ornament bins opened up, it. Was. ON. She couldn't stop digging around.

Special Ornaments

Deciding what to hang up

Last year after Christmas, Sean and I went ornament shopping. I'm all about creating a tree that has ornaments that mean something to us on it. So, Sean has a ton of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Indiana Jones ornaments.

I have ornaments with pictures of the kids on them and a set of golden bulbs that hung on my Grandma McGhee's Christmas tree since I was a little girl (I used to lie under her tree and just touch them...the reminded me of gold coconuts. She gave them to me last year.).

Loving the Yum Yum.

For Ainsley, I grabbed some M&M ornaments, as she has an undying love for Yum Yums. This year, I think she needs a Little Mermaid ornament.

At this point, all of Xander's ornaments are Baby's 1st. Not sure yet what to get for Xander beyond that. Probably Sesame Street. Or grapes maybe.



Lessons The Kids Teach Us

Showing her the ropes
Feel free to covet my Christmas PJs

As I've expressed to many of you, one of the biggest lessons that my daughter is teaching me is to let go of my ideas about control. I spent a lot of time talking to Ainsley about the ornaments we were hanging up, and why we put certain ornaments in certain places. Of course, I have a system for ornament hanging and general tree decorating. I thought it'd be helpful to teach her my way...but she was too excited to listen, of course.

The red icicle branch
OK, I Get. It

So I let her go and do her thing. We have these icicle ornaments red shiny, red glittery, green shiny, and green glittery...about 12 each. Ainsley's "thing" was to put all the red shiny icicles on one branch. It took everything in me to not tell her she was doing it "wrong." Instead, I decorated the rest of the tree and secretly rearranged the branches later.

These are not the princesses
you're looking for...

As I opened the ornaments we purchased last year, we discovered some Disney Princess ornaments that Grandma and Grandpa Stewart picked up for her. I put the hooks on the ornaments, turned my back, and she was GONE.

She'd grabbed all the princesses, climbed into an empty basket, and pretended she had NO idea what I was talking about when I asked her what happened to the princesses. She still hasn't put the princesses on the tree.

And Then Xander Woke Up

WTF?

I was really excited to show Xander our handiwork. He was pretty nervous about the tree at first. He approached it as if it may have jumped out an bit him.

After a while, he became more interested in the sparkly, dangly things that he could pull off the tree. Very exciting indeed.

Bossy McBosserson

Ainsley's reaction to Xander's attempts at helping to hang ornaments was pretty hilarious. She got her serious boss on if he did anything she felt was inappropriate.  Xander, per usual, ignored her bossing. This picture here of her bossing him has to be in my top 10 pictures of Ainsley. So. Funny.

What?! I love this tree.

It took us a while, but we finally got everything put up and started to get a little Christmas tree enjoyment in.

Mostly enjoyment manifested in taking ornaments off the tree, running around, then putting them back on...or making me put them back on. Then the under the tree shenanigans began.

The best way to touch ornaments
is with your feet, natch.

I both love and hate the Christmas tree. I love to see it and I love the mood it sets in the house (which is why it goes up immediately after Thanksgiving). I hate that my hardcore OCD manifests when I put the tree up.

I admit I was better this year...more willing to chill. Maybe in the next year or two, I'll be able to just enjoy it. *fingers crossed*

Happy Holidays!

I'm a Real Mom Now

This week, my second cousin Joey passed away after a very long struggle with Huntington's disease. He was 41. I didn't really know Joey very well. Because he was five years older than me, when we were kids, he was too old for my shennanigans, and when I was older, he was off on his own having his own family. He leaves behind a wife and three children.

However, I did go to school with Joey's brother Mark, and after my grandma moved down to live near my dad, I stayed with her sister, my aunt Sharon, Joey, Mark, and Jimmy's mother, when I went home to Portage.

Sharon was an amazing woman who lived a life much harder than she should have. She watched her husband develop and eventually succumb to Huntington's, then she went through it all again when her youngest son, Jimmy, developed the disease as a teenager and died in his early twenties, much younger than most Huntington's victims. On top of all of that, Aunt Sharon successfully fought breast cancer, only to pass away a few years later from lukemia.

Why do I mention all of this? One because I loved my aunt Sharon and I miss her and thinking about all the difficulties she lived through with actual amazing grace makes me feel lucky to have the friends and family that I do. Two because this post, which is making me reflect a little on grief, is all based around the fact that I felt compelled to go to Joey's funeral for Mark. I know Mark well and have always really enjoyed the company of him and his wife Patti. Joey's death leaves Mark the only remaining member of his immediate family. I felt he needed all the family there he could get.  So, I rearranged a bunch of stuff, threw the kids in the car, and went.

Gram told me that Lafayette was an hour behind us, and I believed her; this was my mistake. I should have double checked before I went to bed, but didn't. So while we left on time, I still felt a bit rushed because I didn't get to have that extra hour to lounge about and slowly wake up.

I kept updating the route on my GoogleMaps and I knew we were going to arrive just in time. When we were about 20 minutes away, Ainsley started to complain, "I don't wanna go! I wanna go home!" I assumed her complaints were related to the fact that we'd just traveled to Muncie the day before and she was sick of the car.

Then her complains got more urgent, " I WANT my daddy! Want to go HOME!"

"We'll visit for a bit and then go home soon, sweetie."

"WANT to go HOME! My tummy hurts." See, a good, seasoned mother would have perked her ears up at this statement. But Ainsley is the boy who cried wolf...lamenting tons of imagined pain. I assumed that this was the case.

I was wrong.

She started coughing and choking. My less seasoned ears perked. Then the vomiting started. I swung the van onto a side street (this is where I'm thankful I was on 25S with all its side streets and not, say, I65).

By the time I got the van stopped and opened her door, she was done puking and merely crying. Then I entered some weird Mom zone. I whipped her out of the van, got her out of her clothes (lamenting that she's puked all over her dress clothes while also THANKING GOD that I'd had the foresight to bring comfy clothes with us for the ride home), got her into her clean clothes, and started cleaning up the puke with what I can only describe as a shit ton of wipes. I must have looked a sight to the people driving by...running around my van back and forth getting wipes or plastic bags to put them (and the puke clothes) into...all while in my heels and funeral dress...trying to keep the puke off of myself, as I didn't have a change of clothes.

"I not spit up!"

By the time I'd finished getting the car seat as clean as I could, Ainsley was fine. She was going into a fresh round of "Momma, I wanna hold you!" And this is where my hindsight is crystal clear. We were already late. I should have held her. But I was frazzled and now running late for Joey's memorial service. So, I gave her a hug and put her in her seat and soldiered on. I kept asking her if her tummy felt ok and she kept saying it was fine. I stopped asking after she responded with a "Why do you keep asking me that?!"

We were a little late. No one cared. The service and lunch afterward were very nice and when my kids turned into little monsters, we went back home. When we got home, she decided to put on her bathing suit over her sweatpants and my shoes. Clearly she was recovered.

I thought about the vomiting incident while driving home. I felt like a soldier who got his first battle scars: I handled traveling puke. I am a real mom now.

On the Importance of Pausing and Reflecting

I've had a perfect storm of parenting reflection recently.

Exhibit 1: Ainsley's Birthday Party

Rachel and I were talking about Ainsley's birthday party on FB recently (Sunday night? I've lost all concept of time...). She was praising me for my diligence in decorating the house for A's party. I responded with something to the effect of "I'm overcompensating because I'm gone so much."  Rachel empathized.

And later I kinda realized that many of my perfectionist issues (like making the "perfect" cake) stem from this nascent thing inside of me that feels that I'm not being the mother I could be...should be...whatever. Probably left over 50s gender stereotyping Leave It to Beaver bullshit. 

Exhibit 2: Appreciating the Moment

Kiddy dog pile!

Yesterday, Ainsley and I ran some quick errands to the mall. I wanted to hit JCPenneys and Kohls to look for sleeper pajamas for both kids and comfy clothes for Xander. Ainsley and I were walking past the big water fountain; we needed to throw all the pennies I had into the fountain. That was imperative. But then Ainsley remembered that the mall playground was near the fountain and asked to go. 

We were running late; we hadn't found anything for them yet, we hadn't even gotten to Kohls, and it was getting near dinner/bed time.  But I relented. I just couldn't say no...so we went.  

Moving faster than
the speed of my camera!

It was a really good group of kids at the playground. No too big kids pushing around the little ones, no inappropriately free too little ones. Just lots and lots of kids running around like crazy people jumping, sliding, laughing, and having general fun. The pictures that I took are all blurry, but I decided they really reflect what watching these kids was really like. 

While I was letting them play, I sent Sean a text letting him know we'd gotten detoured. It said something like "I made the mistake of getting too close to the playground. I am dumb." He responded with "So let her play." 

*sidenote* Sean's generally the more level-headed and laid back of the two of us...so I took great pride in the fact that my decision coincided with his advice.

Watching her play was wonderful. She was so happy, and it took only a few minutes for her to start playing with and engaging the other kids. I could see her little mind working as she watched the kids who already knew each other interact and figure out how to join them. 

At one point, the little girl she was playing with pointed to me and said something to Ainsley. Ainsley, in her usual matter-of-fact fashion said, "That's my mom."

And I cried. I attribute the crying to 3 things: 1) Watching her assert that to a stranger with the certainty of Ainsley was touching, 2) It made me begin to realize that much of my kvetching about working isn't affecting her in the negative ways that I'm imagining, and 3) I'm PMSing.

Exhibit 3: The Feminist Breeder Reads My Mind

This morning, I read this post by the Feminist Breeder. Her posts are generally awesome, but it was this line from the penultimate paragraph that spoke to me and gave me my Cher "SNAP OUT OF IT!" moment:

 But getting my education and working are two things that I do for mine and my families current and future livelihood, too. They aren’t cute little hobbies that I can just put off until I’m all done raising my kids. This is PART of raising them.

Thanks to Rachel, Ainsley, and The Feminist Breeder for my perspective. Awesome ladies, indeed.