On the Importance of Pausing and Reflecting

I've had a perfect storm of parenting reflection recently.

Exhibit 1: Ainsley's Birthday Party

Rachel and I were talking about Ainsley's birthday party on FB recently (Sunday night? I've lost all concept of time...). She was praising me for my diligence in decorating the house for A's party. I responded with something to the effect of "I'm overcompensating because I'm gone so much."  Rachel empathized.

And later I kinda realized that many of my perfectionist issues (like making the "perfect" cake) stem from this nascent thing inside of me that feels that I'm not being the mother I could be...should be...whatever. Probably left over 50s gender stereotyping Leave It to Beaver bullshit. 

Exhibit 2: Appreciating the Moment

Kiddy dog pile!

Yesterday, Ainsley and I ran some quick errands to the mall. I wanted to hit JCPenneys and Kohls to look for sleeper pajamas for both kids and comfy clothes for Xander. Ainsley and I were walking past the big water fountain; we needed to throw all the pennies I had into the fountain. That was imperative. But then Ainsley remembered that the mall playground was near the fountain and asked to go. 

We were running late; we hadn't found anything for them yet, we hadn't even gotten to Kohls, and it was getting near dinner/bed time.  But I relented. I just couldn't say no...so we went.  

Moving faster than
the speed of my camera!

It was a really good group of kids at the playground. No too big kids pushing around the little ones, no inappropriately free too little ones. Just lots and lots of kids running around like crazy people jumping, sliding, laughing, and having general fun. The pictures that I took are all blurry, but I decided they really reflect what watching these kids was really like. 

While I was letting them play, I sent Sean a text letting him know we'd gotten detoured. It said something like "I made the mistake of getting too close to the playground. I am dumb." He responded with "So let her play." 

*sidenote* Sean's generally the more level-headed and laid back of the two of us...so I took great pride in the fact that my decision coincided with his advice.

Watching her play was wonderful. She was so happy, and it took only a few minutes for her to start playing with and engaging the other kids. I could see her little mind working as she watched the kids who already knew each other interact and figure out how to join them. 

At one point, the little girl she was playing with pointed to me and said something to Ainsley. Ainsley, in her usual matter-of-fact fashion said, "That's my mom."

And I cried. I attribute the crying to 3 things: 1) Watching her assert that to a stranger with the certainty of Ainsley was touching, 2) It made me begin to realize that much of my kvetching about working isn't affecting her in the negative ways that I'm imagining, and 3) I'm PMSing.

Exhibit 3: The Feminist Breeder Reads My Mind

This morning, I read this post by the Feminist Breeder. Her posts are generally awesome, but it was this line from the penultimate paragraph that spoke to me and gave me my Cher "SNAP OUT OF IT!" moment:

 But getting my education and working are two things that I do for mine and my families current and future livelihood, too. They aren’t cute little hobbies that I can just put off until I’m all done raising my kids. This is PART of raising them.

Thanks to Rachel, Ainsley, and The Feminist Breeder for my perspective. Awesome ladies, indeed.

Helloooo Popschlags!

Yesterday, we had a visit from the Popschlags!  Rachel, Eric, and Augie came to hang out, watch some tube, eat, and generally be merry.  

Tin Roof Tangent: They came bearing the most awesome gift: Tin Roof ice cream!  If you have access to Blue Bell, you must try some Tin Roof. It's vanilla ice cream with chocolate covered peanuts and  chocolate syrup swirled in. Its awesomeness will melt your face off.  Actually, we'd been searching for Tin Roof for years. When Sean discovered that, being a northerner, I'd never had Blue Bell ice cream, it was one of the first things I ate when I went to Texas.  (He is right. It is the best ice cream in the world.)  Then he started looking for his favorite flavor--Tin Roof.  We looked at every grocery store and gas station we went to in Texas and any other state that carried Blue Bell.  We did this since 2002.  Even though the Blue Bell website said Tin Roof existed, I started to doubt it.  Until a couple of weeks ago when I found it in the Muncie Meijer! But they only had one...and haven't had any since then.  However, the Popschlags have come through and brought in a shipment from Indy.  That's how awesome they are--they'll pick up 2 gallons of ice cream and transport it with dry ice.

Augie and Xander

For those of you who were at Ainsley's first birthday party, you may remember the Popschlags--they brought wee baby Augie.  

Augie, with Rachel, October 2009

Big hugs!

When they arrived Ainsley was "napping," so we were able to let the boys hang out.  Aug was enchanted by "beebee."  All he wanted to do was give hugs. Lots and lots of big almost-2-year-old boy hugs. Xander, for his part, mostly just appreciated the attention from a kid who didn't kick him or hit him or run away from him screaming, "He's trying to get meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" 

Those boys were adorable together. Augie wanted to hug a lot--and Xander got into it.  At one point Xander licked Augie from cheek to forehead. That move prompted Aug to run to his momma in confusion.  I laughed so hard.  Such cuteness.

Augie and Ainsley

I was way more concerned with Ainsley's interaction with Augie.  Ainsley is going through that awesome selfish/hitting/mean stage.  While there was some initial selfishness and most too-hard hitting was accidental and in play, Ainsley did well.  At one point she actually SHARED.  

Recently, A discovered the Kitty Chaise (a doll chaise lounger that I found at TJMaxx and bought for the cats when I was single and then became the name of Molly and my jewelry "business").  While Eric and I were transporting the Tin Roof to Karen's freezer, Augie and Ainsley decided to sit together.  Luckily, Sean knew I'd want to see the cuteness and snapped a few pictures. Below is the cuteness.  Bask.