Morning Snippets

Ainsley: MOMMY! I want to show you something!

Me: What?

A: LOOK! (points to outside)

Me: What?

A: Outside! 

Me: (opens door) Show me.

A: (runs to a dandelion gone to seed) I want to blow it!!

Me: Have at it!

***

A: ("eating" a plastic ice cream cone) I want to play with my princesses now.

Me: Ok, but you have to pick up your magnets first.

A: Ok. Hold this. (gives me her cone) Don't eat any.

Easter Treats on Friday

Humoring Momma While
Picking Out Colors

Last year, the day after Easter, I went to Target for 50 percent off Easter baking goods. I got this awesome bunny head pan for $2. I have waited almost an entire year to bust that baby out...and Friday was the day!

Xander has a bit of a cold and is a grabby little monster, so Ainsley and I waited until his nap to make the treats.

Doing the sticks. A keen eye will marvel
at my Roger Waters TShirt

I've become an old pro at making Rice Krispee treats. For my other busy Momma friends, I've found  it's much more manageable for you to make treats that are certain shapes if you break the recipe into thirds. Then Ainsley gets to pick multiple colors for her Rice Krispie treats. This particular time, Ainsley just *could not* decide between blue, green, purple, and brown. Thirds is easier because all of the items easily break that way... 2 cups cereal, 1 T butter, 3.5 oz marshmallow. But I love my kid, so I broke out the calculator.

Testing the Quality of the Purple

Then I got distracted by Draw Something: "Are you done with math, Momma?"

Silly Billies

Ainsley's job was to hand Momma sticks and help put them into the bunny heads. She proved moderately successful at that job...except for the stick we had to discard because she decided to put it between her toes.

Each batch made 6 bunny heads with a little left over. Ainsley, of course, was more than willing to test each batch. She, also of course, found the blue to taste best, as blue and yellow are her favorite colors right now. She was actually allowed to pick any color for the treats and yellow was one of her choices, but I vetoed that as a waste of coloring. I have to say I was pretty surprised at the choice of brown.

1) This is how X sits sometimes.
HILARIOUS.
2) What happened to my BABY?!

After Xander woke up, we decided to let him help decorate. Mostly Ainsley fed him sprinkles and he ate them. When we tried  to get him to put M&Ms on the treats he was all "Fool, why in the world would I put this M&M on a treat if I can just eat it? You are crazy people."

He ate about 4 M&Ms and then punked out to go watch Chuck and Friends on Netflix. Ainsley, on the other hand, was ALL about decorating some Rice Krispie treat bunnies!

Bunny noses and bunny eyes

I told Ainsley to give the bunnies pink noses and eyes that matched (though really I knew I didn't need to tell her that. We're on the same wave length, my lil' one and me). Every treat she decorated got blue eyes. My kid loves blue...she's obsessed. I did have to let go of my Mommy OCD issues in that she absolutely refused to put the M&Ms face side down. When I was telling her for the second time to put the words face down I had that moment of "Why?" in my head... I wasn't selling these. They weren't for show. Who cares? I'm pretty proud it only took me 2 times to come to that. (Plus, I put icing pupils on the bunnies to hide the M&M lettering anyway...my will be done. Buahahahah!)

Cuteness. 

The treats turned out pretty well. I had some green left over so I decided to try making a little Easter basket with M&M eggs. It turned out alright. I have to say, I think the sticks seem unnecessary, but I also think the kids would beg to differ. LOL.

Deliciousness at
the Speed of Light

After dinner, the kids bust into the Bunny Treats. Ms. A attacked her treat. Xander ignored it for a bit, then used it to drum for a while...and then somehow he managed a bite...discovered the deliciousness and It. Was. On. I still haven't tried one, but the wee ones seem to approve.  It took them quite a bit of time to eat their treats...they laughed and chewed and licked and had a generally good time. And then Xander started playing peek-a-boo with his. The cuteness became overwhelming. Video evidence below. Ainsley, of course, felt the need to perform for the camera...so have fun with that.

The Rice Krispies treats of our labor

Please to enjoy: The Stewart Children in Rice Krispie Treat Peek-a-bo

Ainsley's Vocabulary Is Crazy

Naked fort.

I was putting away the kids' clothes just now. I put the basket on A's "fort."  In honor of my Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Parker, I made her a TV tray fort in her bedroom.

A: What are you doing? Don't put that on my fort.

Me: I am putting your clothes away. I'll move the basket off the fort when I'm done.

A: Well, that is *unacceptable.*

Me: (stifling laughter) I guess you'll have to learn to live with the disappointment.

All Toddlers Are Bipolar

The Highs

Frosting requires
concentration

Today, while we were playing with Donut Maker on the iPad, I was frosting the donut while Ainsley watched. As I frosted, Ainsley said to me, "That's very good, Mommy. I'm proud of you!" Then she hugged me. It was so sweet, it almost gave me diabetes.

The Lows

Of course, not 20 minutes later, when it was time to go to bed, she protested. She tried to seek refuge in Sean. When I took her from Sean, she squealed and protested like crazy. Then she tried to bite my face. Holy HELL, Momma was furious! I told her that she wasn't going to be having Yum Yums for her treat tonight.

Then came the drama of the fit throwing because of no Yum Yums. Then came the apology for the almost bite.

Ainsley: But I want Yum Yums!

Me: I told you that you won't be having Yum Yums tonight because you tried to bite my face and that's not acceptable behavior.

Ainsley: Well, I'm SORRY!


Me: Thank you for saying sorry. I'm very glad you are, and I forgive you. Let's have some hugs.

Ainsley: So, I can have Yum Yums?

Me: No, sweetie.

Rinse repeat for about 15 minutes.

Not giving that kid Yum Yums was both very easy and very hard.

Potty Mouth

Well, the inevitable has started to happen...Ainsley has started to notice Momma cussin'.

What? Like you wouldn't wear
a Little Mermaid tutu with your
Seahawks chip and dip helmet.

As most of you know, I'm a sailor. I try very hard to keep my cursing to a minimum around the kids, with moderate success. The one I'm less stringent with is "dammit." It's my frustration word of choice. It's also the one that Ainsley has picked up on the most.  A weeks or so ago, she was playing with Xander's busy block thing and it was pissing her off. She slammed one of the little doors on it and said with my exact intonation, "DAMMIT!"

My immediate response was, "Sweetie, that's a grown up word. You don't say that."

She gave me a look and seemed to accept it.

Tonight, I was making grilled cheese for Xander and for some reason a reason I can't recall, I muttered "fuck it" under my breath.

Ainsley: What did you say?

Me: Forget it. (Thaaank you, TBS version of The Breakfast Club.)

Ainsley: Why don't you say "dammit"?"

Me: Because I'm not frustrated. That's a grown-up frustrated word.

Ainsley: Can I say "dammit"?

Me: No. You can say "forget it." But you can't say "dammit" until you can vote. Or until you can drive. No actually, you have to be able to do both. You can then.

Ainsley: Oh, forget it. *walks off*

Patience Is Not My Virtue

That's right, people...DOUBLE POST NIGHT!

So, see that castle? It's awesome. I've posted on FB how much Ainsley loves it. See that blue staircase? It's a mother effer and if I could, I'd light it on fire.  Tonight, while I was putting Ainsley to bed, I noticed it was coming apart AGAIN. You see, the staircase is supposed to curve, but it was packed flat, so I'm fighting nature here. And of course, I can't let it go.

So, I'm fiddling with it...and trying very hard not to cuss because it's DESTROYING ME EMOTIONALLY. Ainsley, from her bed, is watching me get more and more frustrated.

Me: I hate this staircase and I want to break it to pieces. (*side note* Don't judge me...I didn't cuss.)

Ainsley: Momma, maybe you should calm down and take some breaths.

Me: Maybe you should go to bed.

Ainsley: Maybe I should.

Both of us: *uncontrollable laughter*

She's here all week, folks.

**UPDATE**


I just related this story to Sean...and my trauma about the staircase. His response: You should take your hair dryer to it.

Of course.

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere, Kid

Since I've been on break and Star Wars: Old Republic came out, we've been pretty lazy about, well, everything.

Tonight, I made breakfast for dinner because 1) it's easy, 2) we forgot to thaw stuff earlier in the day, and 3) neither of us wanted to go to the store.

So, I made some scrambled eggs, hash browns, and toast. Ainsley and I also shared an avocado. The XX Stewarts LOVE the avocado, the XY Stewarts, not so much.

*side note* Ms. A has spent most of the break exhibiting her finest 3 year-old biploar disorder, more commonly referred to as being a toddler. Mommy has had more drinks this break than normal; this only confirms for me that I chose my husband wisely as, I've sung his praises before and I'll do it again, he is infinitely more patient than I.

ANYWAY, she was, once again, giving me grief about coming downstairs to eat dinner for no reason whatsoever. Once I finally got her downstairs and in front of her dinner. She sat down, surveyed the plate, took a bite of avocado, and declared: "This is the best dinner EVER, Mommy." It was, admittedly, cute and likely bought her another hour or two of grace.

Since Sean was playing Star Wars, I had to make sure he heard her declaration. Me: "Did you hear that?!"

Sean, to Ainsley, quite generously I may add: "Yes, Mommy is a good cook."

Ainsley, without missing a beat: "Mommy is a CHEF."

Indeed, child. You have just bought yourself the rest of the break with that one.

Ainsley Is Imaginative

Tonight, while I was grading portfolios, Ainsley decided to shred the bag that the newspaper comes in.

She came to me with the plastic dangling from her hand:

"Look, Mommy! A jellyfish!"

Awesome.

Santa Party 2011!

Sitting with Faith while
Santa tells his story

This year, we went to the Santa party with great excitement. I've been talking to A for the past few weeks about Santa. She's been telling me was she was going to ask him to bring her. We were so excited to go hang out with him.

Xander listening to Santa

When we got to Karen's Ainsley latched onto Faith and pretty much stuck with her.  When Santa arrived, we got to hear the story of the stockings. Xander was excited about seeing Santa; I think it was the big, red suit. But he ended up getting pretty restless, so we let him crawl around. Santa pointed out that Ainsley was being a good big sister this year, that she was working on potty training, and that she loves the zoo.  He also knew that Xander loves to watch Sesame Street and is learning to talk. Ainsley was appropriately amazed that Santa knew so much...

Lounging on Santa

When it was Ainsley's turn to sit on Santa's lap, she was very willing to get onto Santa's lap. I didn't hear her tell Santa what she wanted or hear what she said at all. I was too busy trying to snap a picture. She was being quite hilarious, lounging on Santa like he was her grandpa.

*side note* Later when I asked her what she'd told Santa, she said, "Nothing. I didn't talk to him." When I asked her why, she said, "I had candy." (Mrs. Claus always gives the kids candy.) So, we've decided to write him a letter.

Desperately trying to
escape Santa

Xander was less amenable to hanging out with Santa. It was all I could do to get Xander into Santa's lap and snap the picture before he was on the run again. I should be happy though that he didn't scream his fool head off...

My favorite part of the visit with Santa is that I got to do it with friends in the comfort of Karen's house rather than the company of strangers in the mall.

Faith, Harper, and Ainsley
chill with Santa and Mrs. Claus

Rapunzel Is Influential

Busy, busy hair

"Smile!"

This morning, Ainsley and I fought with her hair again. She has been cursed with my hair, so it's always knotty and horrible. I try to make combing her hair fun. I talk about how the knots are in her head and we have to kick them out with the tangle spray and the comb every day. If we don't, they'll make more and more.

When I was talking about brushing her hair today, she said, "Like Rapunzel?"

"Yes, we'll brush and brush and brush and brush your hair!" I sang to her.

"I want a braid!"

"Like Rapunzel?"

"Yes! And barrettes."

Of course, I deemed this blog worthy, so I asked her to take her picture. This was her response.

Nooooo!!!

HAIRCUT!

We named this brown
horse Cocoa; we aren't
very original.

I took Ainsley to get a haircut today...mostly b/c her hair was destroying me emotionally and she was growing dreds.

Part of the haircutting process was the promise of reward for good behavior. She wanted hot chocolate, ice cream, and a carousel ride. She was mostly good for the Great Clips lady. She only pretended she'd lost all the bones in her body once or twice. She sat moderately still and was pretty quiet.  Actually the only time she really spoke she freaked out the GC lady. We were discussing layering the back of her hair, and Ainsley said, "What are you guys talking about?"

Me: "We're deciding what to do with your hair."

The GC lady said, "Wow. She was really serious. How old is she again?" Ainsley is wicked articulate. I love when she zings strangers.

Since we were having a Momma Daughter day, I decided carousel and ice cream were earned. So we hit the carousel and the DQ.

I'm a Real Mom Now

This week, my second cousin Joey passed away after a very long struggle with Huntington's disease. He was 41. I didn't really know Joey very well. Because he was five years older than me, when we were kids, he was too old for my shennanigans, and when I was older, he was off on his own having his own family. He leaves behind a wife and three children.

However, I did go to school with Joey's brother Mark, and after my grandma moved down to live near my dad, I stayed with her sister, my aunt Sharon, Joey, Mark, and Jimmy's mother, when I went home to Portage.

Sharon was an amazing woman who lived a life much harder than she should have. She watched her husband develop and eventually succumb to Huntington's, then she went through it all again when her youngest son, Jimmy, developed the disease as a teenager and died in his early twenties, much younger than most Huntington's victims. On top of all of that, Aunt Sharon successfully fought breast cancer, only to pass away a few years later from lukemia.

Why do I mention all of this? One because I loved my aunt Sharon and I miss her and thinking about all the difficulties she lived through with actual amazing grace makes me feel lucky to have the friends and family that I do. Two because this post, which is making me reflect a little on grief, is all based around the fact that I felt compelled to go to Joey's funeral for Mark. I know Mark well and have always really enjoyed the company of him and his wife Patti. Joey's death leaves Mark the only remaining member of his immediate family. I felt he needed all the family there he could get.  So, I rearranged a bunch of stuff, threw the kids in the car, and went.

Gram told me that Lafayette was an hour behind us, and I believed her; this was my mistake. I should have double checked before I went to bed, but didn't. So while we left on time, I still felt a bit rushed because I didn't get to have that extra hour to lounge about and slowly wake up.

I kept updating the route on my GoogleMaps and I knew we were going to arrive just in time. When we were about 20 minutes away, Ainsley started to complain, "I don't wanna go! I wanna go home!" I assumed her complaints were related to the fact that we'd just traveled to Muncie the day before and she was sick of the car.

Then her complains got more urgent, " I WANT my daddy! Want to go HOME!"

"We'll visit for a bit and then go home soon, sweetie."

"WANT to go HOME! My tummy hurts." See, a good, seasoned mother would have perked her ears up at this statement. But Ainsley is the boy who cried wolf...lamenting tons of imagined pain. I assumed that this was the case.

I was wrong.

She started coughing and choking. My less seasoned ears perked. Then the vomiting started. I swung the van onto a side street (this is where I'm thankful I was on 25S with all its side streets and not, say, I65).

By the time I got the van stopped and opened her door, she was done puking and merely crying. Then I entered some weird Mom zone. I whipped her out of the van, got her out of her clothes (lamenting that she's puked all over her dress clothes while also THANKING GOD that I'd had the foresight to bring comfy clothes with us for the ride home), got her into her clean clothes, and started cleaning up the puke with what I can only describe as a shit ton of wipes. I must have looked a sight to the people driving by...running around my van back and forth getting wipes or plastic bags to put them (and the puke clothes) into...all while in my heels and funeral dress...trying to keep the puke off of myself, as I didn't have a change of clothes.

"I not spit up!"

By the time I'd finished getting the car seat as clean as I could, Ainsley was fine. She was going into a fresh round of "Momma, I wanna hold you!" And this is where my hindsight is crystal clear. We were already late. I should have held her. But I was frazzled and now running late for Joey's memorial service. So, I gave her a hug and put her in her seat and soldiered on. I kept asking her if her tummy felt ok and she kept saying it was fine. I stopped asking after she responded with a "Why do you keep asking me that?!"

We were a little late. No one cared. The service and lunch afterward were very nice and when my kids turned into little monsters, we went back home. When we got home, she decided to put on her bathing suit over her sweatpants and my shoes. Clearly she was recovered.

I thought about the vomiting incident while driving home. I felt like a soldier who got his first battle scars: I handled traveling puke. I am a real mom now.

Nerd Parents

"I angry."

As I've posted before, Ainsley has been big into painting.  Right now, she's very monochromatic. She's already had her red period. Right now she's moving into a blue period.  This morning, we had this exchange.

A: Momma! Want new paper!

Me: If you're painting this for Grandma and Grandpa, they like more colors.

A: No.

Me: You're not painting this for Grandma and Grandpa?

A: NO.

Me: Well, you have all this room on the paper left to fill. You're too young to understand the value of negative space.

Sean (from the kitchen): You don't know...maybe she's a prodigy.

Update


While I was writing this blog post, I appeased her by giving her some animal crackers and telling her she wasn't going to get new paper until she filled her page more.  This is the result.

"Momma, I want more
light up blue."

Sunday Afternoon Snippet

Ainsley: Come on, Xander! We're going to save Princess!

"I have to give this
to the dragon."

Xander: *mmmmmmmm*

Me: What are you doing?

Ainsley: We're having an adventure.

Me: What kind of adventure?

Ainsley: We're going to save the princess from the dragon. We're going to sing songs.

Me: Ok, I'll have lunch ready when you're done.

I really love these monsters.

Fingerpainting!

Notice the trifecta of girly coolness in this picture:
Ariel cup, My Little Pony toy, Buffy mug 

My mom bought Ainsley fingerpaints for her birthday. These fingerpaints, specifically. These paints are awesome because they're washable.  Mom got A the primary colors. I must now replace them & get the secondary colors because of A's immense love for them.

I've let A paint several days in a row before I decided that Mr. X needed in on the action. He wasn't really good about getting the paint out of the tray, so I had to squirt it directly onto the paper...once it was there though...It. Was. On.

X will always smile for the camera.

After I went downstairs to snag the camera, I returned to discover that A had painted her face red. Then she started painting her body with each color declaring herself to be Rainbow Dash, one of the My Little Ponies: "I Rainbow Dash!"

I really do love letting them paint...and now Ainsley asks every day, "I paint now?"

Ainsley Is Poetic

So, we went looking at Halloween costumes tonight, and as we were leaving, Ainsley looked at the sign and said:

Look at those letters! They're orange! And melting! The letters are dripping like rain!

Indeed they are, kid.

Momma's Little Girl

So I'm driving to school today and I get this text message from Sean:

Ainsley was trying to get into the crawlspace in our attic.


Sean: Don't go in there.
Ainsley: Cause there might be monsters?
Sean: No, but there might be spiders.
Ainsley: Spiders that might punch me in the neck?

Sean's text to me: Wonder where she gets that?

Ainsley's Here All Week

Post Robot Negation Reprimand

Ainsley and I went shopping tonight for birthday party ideas. Ni Hao Kai Lan is the winner, by the way. While we were out, Ainsley started working on her stand-up routine.

Bit One
Me: (putting A in her carseat): Are we ready?  Autobot, let's roll out!

A: (After I've gotten into the car): Momma, you call me Ainsley. I not robot.


Bit Two
We decided to hit the Mickey D on the way home for the family.

Me: Do you want apples or French fries with your chicken nuggets?

A: Apples.

Me: Really? That's great...though I'm surprised you don't want French fries.

A: Momma, I ALWAYS want French fries.

*Sad side note* I ordered fries in one Happy Meal and apples in the other so the kids could split them. The Mickey D employees thwarted us...and we were given two fries. Boo.

Cute-lette: Oh really?

Trying to scale the crib.

Every morning when the kids get up, invariably, one kiddo will sleep longer than the other. There is no rhyme or reason to who sleeps longer when. Regardless, when whoever is second wakes up, the early riser must assist me in getting his/her sibling.


It seems that when Ainsley wakes Xander, cute slapstick stuff happens.  When Xander wakes Ainsley, it's normally just plain funny. 


Example: this morning.  


Me: Good morning, Ainsley.
Ainsley: I WAKE UP!


[Xander walks into Ainsley's room.]

Ainsley: Xander's trying to kill me!!

And then, for those of you that remember this, you'll understand why the Velociraptor of Irony came in and ate her.

Welcome to Hell...I mean Texas

This, by the way, is
IN THE SHADE.

So, we're in Texas...and if you aren't aware, Texas has had 32 100+ days this year. (Tell me again that climate change isn't real.)

Yesterday, Ainsley wanted to go outside to do bubbles. To the right, you can see the temperature--at 7pm.  Actually, there were nights that the low here was in the high 90s. Ahhh TX.

Anyway, I went out on the porch to do bubble with Ainsley. As I sat on the porch slowly melting, Ainsley bubbled away. After about 10 minutes, I had grand fears of passing out due to heat exhaustion and then Ainsley going and drowning in Fred and Kelly's pool.  At that point, I started to try to cajole the rugrat inside.

Me: It's pretty hot out. Maybe we should go inside.

A: No! I blow bubbles!

Me: Yeah, but look, sweety, Mommy is disintegrating.

She's this hot and sweaty
after 10 minutes.

A: No!! Let's do bubbles! Here Momma! (She shoves a bubble wand at me.)

Me: I don't want to blow bubbles right now.

A: (running to me with a crazed look) YEAH! Let's do bubbles! It's FUN!, ok?

Me: (desperate) Maybe we should go inside and have a few Yum Yums?

A: No!! Let's blow bubbles!  (spins her wand around) SEE!  Let's blow bubbles!  Sounds fun? Yeah! Sounds fun, Momma.

I gave up and we blew bubbles for another 10 minutes before I had to bribe her inside with promises of swimming in her future.